CSI: Superior German

Dear Pixies,

I went to the CSI: The Experience yesterday in town as I am a huge fan of Horatio Caine.
You probably don't know what the exhibition is about, I better explain it to you so at least you have the chance to understand:

The Experience is a museum exhibit providing visitors with a hands-on, exploratory, multi-sensory experience in the world of crime scene investigation.
It is designed to educate the public about forensic processes, procedures and technologies. At the exhibit, visitors will investigate a “real” crime scene and
interact via video with favorite characters from the hit television show as well as real-life forensic experts.

David Caruso and David Hasselhoff have been my favourite actors for years now, so I thought it might be a good possibility to meet my hero and offer him my help with his job.
I always was the best in school and especially in maths and chemistry, as it is just so logical. Very excited I entered the venue, got my ticket and looked around. Strangely enough, Horatio wasn't there.
I must say I was so gutted about it that I was thinking about going home. But as I had paid money already to get in I thought "Why should I donate the money, I was working for so hard, to you greedy leprechauns? Just so you have even more in your stinky pot of gold? Surely not!". Having that in mind, a quick flash of anger pulsed through me.
I wanted to kick asses like "H" usually does in CSI:Miami. So I followed the crowd and joined one of the three staged crime scenes.
After only 29 minutes (!) I already completed my crime scene investigation and compared my clues with those of a real crime scene investigator (not "H" ! He must have been from Germany, I didn't like his stupid accent at all, my picked up Irish accent is surely a lot better than his, even the taxi drivers are asking me all the time, from what quarter of the town I'm from) and determined
which clues needed further analysis. All the other idiots were still pondering, but I think their IQs weren't very high but what would you expect as they were Irish.
After finishing that crime scene, I was even more angry; I paid so much money and now I was done after 29 minutes, they said at the entrance it would take at least 60 to 90 minutes.
To get at least a bit out of my money, I joined the other two crime scenes as well and after 37 more minutes I was done with them too. It was ridiculous, all
the others didn't even solved one scenario, where I was done with all of them. I couldn't believe what nutcases these people are. Seriously, it's no surprise that your police with that funny name (Gardai, is it?) is a joke.
Very dissapointed and furious I left "The Ambassador" and went home to watch my favourite episode of CSI:Miami and to calm down.
It was the right decicion to do that, I knew Horatio wouldn't let me down, he kicked asses and said at the end of the episode:

"Tomorrow is ............... (taking his sunglasses from his eyes) what you make of it."

I smiled and had to think again about all these gobshites - unable to finish one of the the crime scene scenarios. Tomorrow will be mine,  you pixies, tomorrow will be mine.

I love your shoes

Dear pixies,

I would like to start my today's post with a quote of an old Billy Joel song.

"Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue."

Billy Joel, Honesty

Billy Joel, one of the greatest musicians ever, as big as stars like Johnny Logan and David Hasselhoff, describes in his song perfectly what happens to be a status quo in pixieland.
Why? That's quickly explained.


Let me tell you about an observation I made.

Woman A and woman B accidentally meet each other on the street.

Woman A (let's call her Bláthnaid): Oh hellloooooo! How are youuuuuuuuuu?
Woman B (I think she was an Aoibheann): Oh my god Bláthnaid, it is so good to see youuu! I am fine, how are youuuuuuuu?
Woman A: I am very well and so delighted to seeeee youuuu!
Woman B: Mee tooo. Oh I loooooooove your shoes!
Woman A: Thank youuuuuuu! I love them too, they are fannntaaaaastic, arent't they?
Woman B: Oh Aoibheann, I swear to god, they look so good on you! They are gorgeous!

You would think this is a typical conversation of two mid 30 year old women and apart of the fact that their sirene chitchat in a exaggerated high pitched voice causes
unbearable pains in every male hearing organ, you might be inclined to believe they are very nice to each other.

Wrong. Let me translate for you how the conversation was like if Bláthnaid and Aoibheann would have said what they were actually thinking.

Woman A: Oh shit, feckin' Aoibheann, I hate that bitch, what the hell is she doing here?
Woman B: Why isn't it possible to just go shopping without meeting annoying people! Damn!
Woman A: I am not well at all, but I surely won't tell you about it, nosy cow.
Woman B: Bláthnaid you really should see a dermatologist, your skin looks gross. Sweet Jesus, where did she buy these awful looking shoes, her feet look fat in them, that's so bad.
Woman A: Of course they are lovely for that price, what is she thinking? I still haven't told my husband Mark that I spend 250 quid on them.
Woman B: I think I need to throw up.

Pixies, I am stunned how well you are in lying without blushing. But why can't you try to be a bit more honest, at least to yourselves?

Another example:

A couple is having dinner in a very posh restaurant. They still haven't realised that the celtic tiger went back where he came from a long time ago and will never return.
They are having huge debths, but for their "friends" they are trying to keep the illusion of being part of the high society alive.

She: What is wrong with the food darling, you are not looking happy.
He: It doesn't taste at all, it is a disgrace, I gonna kick the waiter's ass when he comes back!

A minute later the waiter comes over to their table.

Waiter: Is everything okay?
He: It is absolutely fantastic, the porched eggs taste delicious, thank you very much!
(and looks embarassed down at his plate)

What is wrong with you my little friends? Are you still under schock of years of English occupation? Are you living the life of Patrick Bateman in American Psycho?

Let me quote one of the rare wise leprechauns you have:

"Anger is a gift."

Think about it.

And by the way: I loooooooooooooove your country.