I love your shoes

Dear pixies,

I would like to start my today's post with a quote of an old Billy Joel song.

"Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue."

Billy Joel, Honesty

Billy Joel, one of the greatest musicians ever, as big as stars like Johnny Logan and David Hasselhoff, describes in his song perfectly what happens to be a status quo in pixieland.
Why? That's quickly explained.


Let me tell you about an observation I made.

Woman A and woman B accidentally meet each other on the street.

Woman A (let's call her Bláthnaid): Oh hellloooooo! How are youuuuuuuuuu?
Woman B (I think she was an Aoibheann): Oh my god Bláthnaid, it is so good to see youuu! I am fine, how are youuuuuuuu?
Woman A: I am very well and so delighted to seeeee youuuu!
Woman B: Mee tooo. Oh I loooooooove your shoes!
Woman A: Thank youuuuuuu! I love them too, they are fannntaaaaastic, arent't they?
Woman B: Oh Aoibheann, I swear to god, they look so good on you! They are gorgeous!

You would think this is a typical conversation of two mid 30 year old women and apart of the fact that their sirene chitchat in a exaggerated high pitched voice causes
unbearable pains in every male hearing organ, you might be inclined to believe they are very nice to each other.

Wrong. Let me translate for you how the conversation was like if Bláthnaid and Aoibheann would have said what they were actually thinking.

Woman A: Oh shit, feckin' Aoibheann, I hate that bitch, what the hell is she doing here?
Woman B: Why isn't it possible to just go shopping without meeting annoying people! Damn!
Woman A: I am not well at all, but I surely won't tell you about it, nosy cow.
Woman B: Bláthnaid you really should see a dermatologist, your skin looks gross. Sweet Jesus, where did she buy these awful looking shoes, her feet look fat in them, that's so bad.
Woman A: Of course they are lovely for that price, what is she thinking? I still haven't told my husband Mark that I spend 250 quid on them.
Woman B: I think I need to throw up.

Pixies, I am stunned how well you are in lying without blushing. But why can't you try to be a bit more honest, at least to yourselves?

Another example:

A couple is having dinner in a very posh restaurant. They still haven't realised that the celtic tiger went back where he came from a long time ago and will never return.
They are having huge debths, but for their "friends" they are trying to keep the illusion of being part of the high society alive.

She: What is wrong with the food darling, you are not looking happy.
He: It doesn't taste at all, it is a disgrace, I gonna kick the waiter's ass when he comes back!

A minute later the waiter comes over to their table.

Waiter: Is everything okay?
He: It is absolutely fantastic, the porched eggs taste delicious, thank you very much!
(and looks embarassed down at his plate)

What is wrong with you my little friends? Are you still under schock of years of English occupation? Are you living the life of Patrick Bateman in American Psycho?

Let me quote one of the rare wise leprechauns you have:

"Anger is a gift."

Think about it.

And by the way: I loooooooooooooove your country.

IKEA

Dear pixies,

you are so sweet.
Looking forward to the opening of the first ever store of IKEA in your leprechaun country like kids waiting for Santa. The eyes wide opened, reading the IKEA catalogue and thinking this must be a perfect world out there.
Actually it reminds me of the people of the GDR, after the Fall of the wall, absorbing the first banana of their lives.
The problem with too high expectations is as always that you can fall deep, in this case as deep as the Mariana Trench.

Let me tell you about the experiences the Germans made in 25 years of Swedish furniture invasion.

IKEA brings you:

• overcrowded stores
• traffic jams in the area of the stores
• pedagogical parents, talking at their crying and fighting double-named kids (Jan-Kevin and Sarah-Maria) that they will get an oat cake if they stop kicking each other, cause that's what they learned in their course: "be a good parent in a green world"
• plywood furniture of the cheapest quality
• nervous break downs as screw 14b is missing of wine rack "GRUNDTALBLAH"
• indigestions after eating funny looking food in the canteen
• idiotic names (why would you call a single bed "MALM" ?)
• desperate people trying to find a way out of the mazy store
• long queues at the checkouts

IKEA does not bring you:

• what you see in the catalogue as it always looks different in your house after approx. four hours of assembling time

Don't tell me you haven't been warned.

Irish summer

RAIN in my shoes, on my head, in my pockets
RAIN on my back, in my ears, underwear
dripping nose downwards, mouth passing, chin - WET
summer has finally started - I bet.

Dance my love, dance

An excellent example of how cute and at the same time funny you Irish are. My heart makes a jump when I see things like that happening again and again. It jumps to the rhythm of the music, my smile gets bigger with each beat of the drum. Adrenaline starts to flush through my body and finally my hope is growing that one sweet day I will find the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Babylon

This goes out to all the fourteen year old clone kids, sitting on the dart, in front of supermarkets and playgrounds, with their mobiles turned up to maximum volume playing techno remixes of Bryan Adams and Roxette songs of the early nineties.

It's okay, that you have started rebelling against your dentist, solicitor or doctor parents and I am happy for you that your puberty vocal change and pubic hair growth finally kicked in - but please, please, please: stop talking. Turn up your mobiles, bang your heads against the windows or fart out loudly but do us the favour and keep your mouth shut.

The country of Joyce and Beckett, Heaney and W.B. Yates has not been waiting for your new americanised palaver.
And no, it is not 'cool' to randomly use words and phrases as 'like', 'you know', 'oh my god' or 'this is so my xyz' etc. To say in your language:

"Like oh my god like it is so not neccessary to speak if you like don't have anything to say like, you know?"

It's the same as democracy: you can tell your opinion - but you don't have to. A wise German once said: "Oefter mal die Schnauze halten" which translates to:

"be quiet if you don't have to contribute anything productive",

or in your words:

"zip it! butt out! shut your trap! stuff it!, put a sock in it!, shut your cakehole!, shut it! "

Thanks kids.

P.S.: My fellow men who decided to leave their countries and now try to deny their origin and wish to be assimiliated by pretending not to be foreign, I am sure this sounds familiar to you too.

Stranded in pixie land

Here I am. Desillusioned, trapped and devastated like Adam and Eve after being kicked out of the garden of eden. Unconscious of any guilt, I am doomed to 'live' in a country of red haired hobnailed leprechauns. Why lord, oh why?Actually I do know why. It's all my dad's fault. He thought it might be a good idea for me to leave our town in Germany for a while to study other, inferior cultures. He thinks this will help me to rule one of the 5 cities he owns (1 in Germany, 4 in France) whenever he won't be able to do it anymore.
"Go and see how these funny, uneducated pixies live. Mingle with them and realise why they are like they are and why the rest of Europe is laughing about them. Eventually you will understand why it is so important to rule with an iron hand"
he said. I've been here for way to long now and no day passes by without hearing my dads voice in my ears. He was right, so right.