Babylon

This goes out to all the fourteen year old clone kids, sitting on the dart, in front of supermarkets and playgrounds, with their mobiles turned up to maximum volume playing techno remixes of Bryan Adams and Roxette songs of the early nineties.

It's okay, that you have started rebelling against your dentist, solicitor or doctor parents and I am happy for you that your puberty vocal change and pubic hair growth finally kicked in - but please, please, please: stop talking. Turn up your mobiles, bang your heads against the windows or fart out loudly but do us the favour and keep your mouth shut.

The country of Joyce and Beckett, Heaney and W.B. Yates has not been waiting for your new americanised palaver.
And no, it is not 'cool' to randomly use words and phrases as 'like', 'you know', 'oh my god' or 'this is so my xyz' etc. To say in your language:

"Like oh my god like it is so not neccessary to speak if you like don't have anything to say like, you know?"

It's the same as democracy: you can tell your opinion - but you don't have to. A wise German once said: "Oefter mal die Schnauze halten" which translates to:

"be quiet if you don't have to contribute anything productive",

or in your words:

"zip it! butt out! shut your trap! stuff it!, put a sock in it!, shut your cakehole!, shut it! "

Thanks kids.

P.S.: My fellow men who decided to leave their countries and now try to deny their origin and wish to be assimiliated by pretending not to be foreign, I am sure this sounds familiar to you too.